Spicy Stories Writing Tips and Confessions: Today’s Lousy Sentence, Revised
Spicy believes that any sentences crafted by adoptable bunnies Laurel and Tea never would be awkward since they are known to be “tidy girls,” though sometimes they might write silly sentences because they are full of “playful antics.” Learn more about Laurel and Tea.
by Katerina Lorenzatos Makris ~
Today’s Lousy Sentence comes from the first posted version of our Spicy Stories Save Lives article titled,“Is your dog acting drunk? Vestibular disorder might be the reason”
Lousy Sentence:
After a long absence overseas, I awoke one morning after only a few days home in California to hear my husband’s anxious announcement: “Dio is staggering. He can’t really stand. He doesn’t want to eat. And he just threw up.”
Cringe!
Lousy Sentence Revised:
Only a few days home in California after a long absence overseas, I awoke one morning to hear my husband’s anxious announcement: “Dio is staggering. He can’t really stand. He doesn’t want to eat. And he just threw up.”
Why was the first version lousy? Using the word “after” twice in the same sentence was awkward and silly.
We feel better now.
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Please note: Spicy Stories Save Lives proudly donates part sponsorship for many needy animals on the Greek island of Kefalonia.
Meanwhile, Kefalonia Animal Trust (KATs) provides free spay/neuter for hundreds of animals per year here. Please give to KATs via PayPal or bank transfer. Spay/neuter and education are the animals’ best hope for a better future.
Also please consider Animal Rescue Kefalonia (ARK), another group on the island who run a shelter and work miracles with terribly few resources.
Spicy Stories Save Lives and the author of this article have no affiliation with KATs and ARK other than as a friend, volunteer, and donor.
Seen our book? Your Adopted Dog: Everything You Need to Know About Rescuing and Caring for a Best Friend in Need, by Shelley Frost and Katerina Lorenzatos Makris, available through Amazon.com.
